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A saying circulated on the Internet:

"ability is the silver medal, networking is the gold medal, and thinking is the trump card. In other words, people who have the ability and thinking also need contacts to add to their lives."

as beneficiaries, we often reward you with "invite you to dinner some other day".

"invite you to dinner another day", some people just say that they owe a human debt and choose to forget, which has been criticized by others.

some people take it seriously, and after inviting each other to dinner, they do not owe each other, lose their interaction, and their feelings gradually fade away.

so, for those who do you a favor, please don't use "please eat" in return.

when others send you umbrellas in the rain, you should learn to help others in the snow, symbiosis and win-win cooperation.

the essence of social interaction is exchange, but not equivalent exchange

there is a saying in Zengguang Xianwen Zhu Zi's Family motto:

"the grace of dripping water is reported by Yongquan."

No one has an obligation to help you, and don't take each other's kindness for granted.

people who really have a high EQ will adhere to the "principle of overcompensation" and turn gratitude into practical action.

the essence of social interaction is exchange, but not equivalent exchange, but like usury, it needs to be changed bigger and bigger, so that such a social relationship can last.

Hu Xueyan is one of the famous Huizhou merchants with a kind heart and a high reputation.

for a time, Hu Xueyan was very embarrassed with a meagre salary, eating bran and pharynx vegetables, and his clothes were covered with patches.

to make matters worse, my uncle was seriously ill and had no money for treatment, so he rolled back and forth in pain on the sickbed.

Hu Xueyan could not bear to see that his uncle was suffering from illness and asked his friend's wife to borrow five taels of silver. The friend's wife did not hesitate to lend it to him.

that bracelet means a lot to Hu Xueyan and is a souvenir left to him by his mother.

in order to repay the favor as soon as possible, Hu Xueyan worked hard to improve his economic conditions and paid off five taels of silver.

but he refused to take back the Fengteng bracelet. He thought he had only returned five taels of silver and did not return the favor.

the financial conditions of a friend's wife's family are good, and there is no point in paying back more money. Hu Xueyan decided to repay each other later and get the bracelet back.

later, this friend was set up by a villain in the mall, and Hu Xueyan immediately came forward to let his friend successfully escape from the tiger's mouth.

people always go back and forth with each other, and Hu Xueyan has strong feelings with his friends.

money and debt are easy to pay, but human feelings are difficult to pay.

other people do you a favor, including emotional elements, which is not only an impersonal transaction, but also a bridge for both parties to maintain an interpersonal relationship.

Rousseau said:

"without gratitude, there is no true virtue."

repay the favor, do not blindly invite each other to dinner, but to uphold the virtue of gratitude, timely provide greater help to each other, so that love continues to flow and cycle.

the value of returning a favor is far greater than the other party's Shi En.

the person who can really reach out to help you is a rare person in life. Cherish this kindness and respond to it in exchange for love.

daring to owe a favor is a kind of wisdom

the best way to make people like you is not to help them, but to let them help you. "

of course, it is your duty for others to help you, and it is your duty not to help you. When you ask for help from others, you should also be prepared to return.

come and go, open each other's hearts, and keep creating opportunities for contact. In the long run, the relationship will be unbreakable.

the real relationship is the constant entanglement between two people. Today you owe me a little, tomorrow I owe you a little, you miss me, I am grateful to you.

when you don't dare to bother others, you just close your heart and don't give others a chance to get close to you.

Benedict tells such an ironic story in Chrysanthemum and the knife:

two friends cheered and danced together to buy ice water, but one of them forgot to bring money, so the other friend was eager to help pay.

afterwards, the man did not think about food and drink, and his unease engulfed his heart like a monster, and he was eager to return the favor of his friend immediately.

under the torment of anxiety, he has been looking for an opportunity to buy ice water for his friends, but in those days, his friends did not need it.

because this person owes a favor and the psychological burden is too heavy, he has chosen to stop.

for this man, the favor given to him by others has become a heavy yoke on him.

owe a favor is not terrible, terrible is can not bear, has become an invisible pressure.

when dealing with human feelings, you should dare to pay on credit.

this is not to forget each other's favors, but to seriously accept and feel each other's friendship, recognize the contributions of others, and believe that they must be able to repay them.

set up an "emotional bank" and wait for the other party to withdraw it at any time.

if someone helps you, if you wind up immediately and settle the account clearly, it will lose the other person's face, just like sending a signal to the other party to "break up friendship".

as Song Siming said in "snail dwelling":

"you have to move constantly about this thing.

the more you move, the more confused you are, and the more you are not involved.You are rotten in the pot.

We should always be able to tell the difference between you and me. "

owe a favor, not write it off, but "owe and still exist", tighten the relationship network, so that the relationship is more and more stable and lasting.

good relationship, trouble each other

Aristotle once said:

"Man is a social animal. Because no one can exist alone without society.

if you don't want to bother others, you have to bear the loneliness and possible failure of being alone. "

people are vulnerable sometimes, so don't just try to be brave. Only when we are in trouble with each other can we build a relationship and share happiness and adversity.

in the TV series "Please answer 1988", Aze's father didn't want to bother others at first and carried a lot of things silently.

in the face of the enthusiasm of his neighbors, he is always silent, putting on the expression of "strangers do not come near" every day, keeping other people's warmth away.

one day, he had a cerebral hemorrhage. Deshan's father happened to pass by and rushed him to the hospital.

Aze's father in the hospital is alone, and the neighbors offer their love to help him cook, deliver meals, help him look after the store, and so on.

Aze's father took the warm olive branch thrown by the neighbors and smiled.

the neighbors felt recognized and the relationship was successfully broken.

in the early days, Aze's father did not dare to consume human feelings, was afraid of being rejected, was afraid of not being able to afford it, and deserved to feel low.

Aze's father in the later stage, an indifferent heart, was gradually warmed and assimilated.

he learned to bother others and asked him to take care of his son. At the same time, he also offered to help his neighbors.

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he has come to understand that a good relationship means troubling each other.

there is a topic on Zhihu that goes like this:

"how do you drift away from your best friend?"

one of the answers received high praise:

I don't know why. I used to look for him when I had nothing to do. Later, after I was busy with my work, I lost the leisure of gossiping. When something happens, he is afraid of causing him trouble.

fear of causing trouble to each other has become a stumbling block to the establishment of a strong interpersonal relationship.

No one is an isolated island, and people who dare to bother others are more likely to connect with each other emotionally and with one heart.

people who do not dare to owe favors will only keep people away and be gradually forgotten.

the higher the cognitive level, the more people know how to build bridges and pave the way by "troubling others and letting others trouble themselves", trouble each other, and let the relationship enter a virtuous circle.

writer Yueko Okajima wrote in his book the Human networking course I learned at Harvard:

"the purpose of making contacts is not to live an opportunistic and comfortable life, but to make use of the power of contacts to step onto the stage of ambition and realize the value of our lives."

I think deeply that effective interpersonal relationship is not material exchange, but value exchange.

people who help you, do not invite dinner in return, please create an effective network, so that the relationship can last forever.

after asking others for help, you must repay too much, because the essence of social interaction is not equal exchange.

after you owe a favor, don't be afraid that you can't afford it, but take the initiative to take the responsibility. You help me today, and I'll help you later.

only when people are in trouble with each other can they achieve each other and go to the future together.

you are in a hurry, I send charcoal in the snow, you put in the peach, I return the favor, to achieve a win-win situation.

, you know, life can not be wonderful alone, trouble others, but also let others rely on themselves.