duhaoshu

there is a discussion on the Internet these days:

who is more miserable if a man does not marry all his life and a woman does not marry all his life?

the comment area is very controversial.

there is a reply with heavy hostility:

A woman, of course.

they are born with the responsibility to carry on the family line.

if you don't get married, you will have a hard time in your old age!

one stone stirs up thousands of waves.

while people are angry at his brainless remarks, the women he blames feel even more helpless.

you may also find that whenever we talk about getting married late or not, there will always be some harsh voices.

it is irresponsible to accuse women of not marrying, and infertility is shameful to their ancestors.

"self-pursuit" has become a cover for selfishness.

"if you don't marry or give birth, why do you need a uterus? I deserve to be miserable in my old age. "

what a sad moral kidnapping.

in the face of such a current situation, we really want to explore the reasons for their "non-marriage" objectively and without prejudice from the perspective of young people.

because accusation and moral kidnapping can't solve any problem.

only when we see the problem can we resolve the contradiction.

Let's talk about the reasons why men don't marry first

even though to some extent, people think that men are the "beneficiaries" of marriage, there are still many young men complaining about marriage.

complain that it only adds to your stress;

blame him for losing himself.

Xiao Wang, born in 1990, posted that he was really too afraid of getting married.

when he was born, family planning was at its most stringent.

from an early age, in the favor of his parents and grandparents, he fantasized about being able to make great achievements when he grew up.

it was only when I grew up that I found out that I couldn't even afford to get married, not to mention doing a great job.

if the family is in good condition, not long after graduating from college, the family decided to buy a garage.

the conditions of his family are mediocre. When they were going to talk about marriage, their parents had to come up with the bottom line in order to scrape together enough down payment for him.

but he regretted the down payment.

"since my parents handed me that sum of money, I began to tighten my belt.

the mortgage depends on me.

the size of the expenses of the two depends on me.

sometimes when my parents are ill, I have to ask for leave to accompany me the whole time.

shoulders the future of the small family and the pension life of the parents.

I can't be idle for a moment. "

can't hold up, he can't help asking:

"how do you think I should get married?

I live such a tight life alone that I dare not buy cigarettes or drink alcohol. When I get married, my wife gives birth to children, so I must not suffer with me.

since I don't have the ability to make others happy, don't harm other girls. "

the pressure on the economy is really too great for this generation of young men.

someone replied in the comment area:

"Don't get married, brother. You don't know how hard life is after marriage."

then recounts his married life.

he said that his condition was good. He had an apartment, a car and no loan.

I earn 8000 a month.

my wife has been a childhood sweetheart for more than 20 years.

after marriage, he will hand over 4000 yuan to his wife as required, and the remaining 4000 yuan will cost 2000 yuan to repay the loan, at least 1500 yuan to buy vegetables, 700-1000 electricity, electricity and coal.

every month is not enough to spend.

in order to subsidize his family, he goes to Didi every weekend and earns a little.

what are you doing making money?

the red packet of 520 yuan for the festival;

Birthday flower bag;

A trip every year.

to express his love for his wife.

but sometimes even if it costs money, effort and effort.

even ran back after work like crazy, buying food, cooking, washing and mopping the floor.

when he couldn't stand it, he discussed with his wife whether he could pay less money every month, and he didn't want to be so tired.

I didn't expect that what I got in return was a scolding from my wife.

what is the purpose of getting married?

after marriage, he not only became more financially strapped, but also failed to get the emotional support he wanted.

he is really fed up with the days when he pays for the family but is not forgiven and quarrels constantly.

after I figured it out, I asked my wife for divorce.

now, he gets rid of his marriage, not to mention how happy he is.

he couldn't help asking:

"Why get married?

is the PS4 no longer fun, or is the new AJ not good-looking? "

such stories are not alone.

when the burden of "supporting a family" and "buying a house and a car" falls on contemporary men one by one, the pressure is so great that it is difficult for them not to flinch.

"you can occasionally buy a pair of 700 Adi before marriage, and you have to wait for a discount to buy a pair of 200 sneakers after marriage."

"go to eat and drink before marriage, and even report to your wife to buy more packets of cigarettes after marriage."

"before marriage, I thoughtWhat do you do? you have to sneak around for a cigarette and a drink after marriage. "

compared with life before and after marriage, more and more people begin to calculate the benefits of marriage.

if you meet someone who knows the cold and the heat, you can at least get some emotional benefits.

if the person you meet is sick and complains, you can imagine how difficult life will be after marriage.

so, many men around them will say:

when you get married, you don't know how poor you are.

when you get married, you don't know how happy it is to be single.

Let's talk about women's attitude towards marriage

and men have the same fear of marriage, there is also the other end of the scale-the female group.

Why are more and more girls unwilling to get married?

the same answer is: because the cost of marriage is too high.

there are girls who share their concerns.

she has just graduated from college, not to mention how happy she is.

single, her job is stable and her parents are enlightened.

I usually work during the day, but at night I either paint, play or go to yoga to take care of my skin.

you don't have to save money every month, and you can travel with your parents and girlfriends.

but in such a free life, once the impact of marriage is encountered, the existing stability will be broken.

first there is the problem of fertility.

she likes to wear exposed clothes, but after giving birth to the baby's stretch marks and a loose belly, she will never be able to show her waist again.

not to mention the pain of opening ten fingers.

"I've never had my wisdom tooth pulled out in my life. I've never been on the operating table.

to send yourself to the operating table for a child, a good body is cut open, torn, cut laterally, and blocked.

not to mention that after that, I will become a dairy machine that can't sleep at night and consume my flesh and blood.

these problems are unimaginable for a barren woman. "

then there is the question of wage distribution.

for many women, after marriage, they are bound to set aside part of their wages to subsidize their families.

"skin care, private instruction, yoga." At least I have to give up two. "

as a wife, even if my husband is very nice, I can't stop doing housework at all.

can also take turns or work together.

am I going to buy food, cook, wash dishes, mop the floor and clean after work?

you can't leave home at night, because you have to play with your child and study with him.

I don't need to work hard on what happens to my children, and most of these responsibilities are unrewarded.

is it worthwhile to sacrifice yourself for 30 years and give me ten years of pension for my children?

if he grows up, he wants to live in other provinces and foreign countries.

do I have to say: you are going to give me an old age, and you are not allowed to go?

that certainly won't work.

in addition, let's take a look at the current plight of married women in the workplace.

there is a piece of news these days:

A woman in Shanghai was fired by the company on the third day of the probation period.

the company rules to get off work at six o'clock in the afternoon.

she sent a message to the leader at 6:33 in the afternoon, asking if there was anything else to do. The leader didn't reply to her, so she got off work.

as a result, she was called into the office by the leader the next day to be scolded and fired.

is it funny?

I will be fired just because I get off work on time.

can you imagine how many times women have to ask for leave for their children and how much work time they miss when they get married?

who will pay for her?

I'm afraid it's just her career and the reward she gets.

but now many people, while clamoring for women to create value independently, expect women to be good wives and mothers to defend the rear area.

but career and family are not so easy to grasp.

balance is women's constant compromises.

I am afraid of such concessions and giving, and I will not get any good results in the besieged city of marriage.

so, more and more women are afraid of marriage.

many people even issued a declaration of independence:

can't you make your own money and spend it yourself?

Why bother to be a mother for others.

you see, now whenever we mention marriage, we receive worries about marriage from both men and women.

this is not an accusation or protection of a particular gender.

when the problems of occupation, family, parenting and providing for the aged roar.

all the young people really can't handle it.

if you decide not to marry or have children,

what do you need to prepare?

A few days ago, a crying aunt poked the hearts of countless people.

she is 70 years old this year. Because she received free paper in the supermarket and could not operate it herself, she gave her mobile phone to the young people next to her to operate.

who would have thought that the action of young people sending messages in groups triggered the illegal mechanism of Wechat, and the aunt's Wechat account was closed.

Auntie was at a loss when she looked at the account that could not be logged in.

"my old friend and classmate, I can't find it anymore.""

"you can't use Wechat for two days, and life is no fun.

I can't use it for life, so I'll be alone for the rest of my life. "

she cried as she spoke.

listening to her crying, I can imagine her anxiety.

Yes, in our old age, what we fear most is being left behind by this society, and what we fear most is that there is no one around us.

so, if more and more people are unmarried and childless in their old age, what should they do in their old age?

someone told the story of the people around him.

the protagonist of the story is a lonely old man who has never been married all his life.

the old man is very strong, scraping by on a few hundred yuan of the minimum living standard every month.

sit at the head of the village when you have nothing to do, either basking in the sun or playing cards with people.

loneliness is definitely lonely.

but it is undeniable that loneliness is a topic that no one can escape until the end of life.

one day in December, the lonely old man died suddenly.

I was fine the day before and never woke up the next morning.

the villagers helped take care of the afterlife, and the old man's life came to an end.

people around him say that he has lived a natural and unrestrained life.

although he has no children, he must have built bridges and roads in his previous life, but he did not suffer in this life.

how many old people envy his way of leaving without the worry of illness and the burden of his children.

you know, most people are really tired in their old age.

I read a piece of news not long ago: the 90-year-old man was ill and left unattended in hospital, so he took his children to court.

the old man, who had seven children, was supposed to spend his twilight years.

but unexpectedly, just after her husband died, the seven children in the family began to split up.

after signing the agreement, no one came to take care of her.

even if she was ill, she went to the hospital with the help of her neighbors. Her seven children were not only left unattended, but also did not bear the medical expenses.

in a fit of anger, Grandma Li took her children to court and asked them to pay their own alimony.

it is really sad for parents and relatives to have a fight at this point.

in recent years, similar news has been coming out constantly. While testing our conscience, we can't help but worry: are children really useful in their old age?

even if you come back, once you are ill in bed and lose the ability to take care of yourself, will the child take care of himself day and night?

but even if they can take care of themselves, how should they live their lives?

you see, in old age, gender is not the main parameter to evaluate whether a person is doing well or not, and the presence or absence of children is not a major factor.

physical health is the most important factor.

so, whether you are married or not, make some plans for your old age in advance while you are young.

first of all, you need a savings that can maintain your dignity.

it can help you through the trough of your life and invite a nurse to take care of you when you are ill and unaccompanied in hospital in your later years.

so that you will not be alone in your old age.

secondly, have a healthy body.

whether you are practicing flexibility through yoga.

cardiopulmonary function is also enhanced by aerobic exercise.

will inject energy into your body.

if you are in good health, you will have a good life in the future.

third, build good relations with neighbors and make more friends.

if you decide to live a celibate life and keep in touch with your property and neighbors, the ones closest to you can lend a helping hand when you encounter problems.

people often say that distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors, which makes some sense.

finally, I want to go back to what I said at the beginning.

We will not persuade you to marry, nor will we persuade you not to marry.

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We will not advise you to have more children, nor will we advise you not to have children.

what we want to do is to spread it out and state and analyze it objectively.

Let everyone see what those young people who are afraid of marriage and childbearing are worried about.

when these problems are seen, they may be one step closer to being solved.

in the end, no matter how you decide to live, I hope you can ignore the external constraints and make the necessary preparations.

No matter what age you are, you can live your life well.

, listen to your inner life and store energy for tomorrow.