the poet John Dorne said:

"No one is an island."

No one can live in a vacuum when he is alive.

We always inevitably get in touch with others, and naturally we hear different voices.

in the face of external murmur, do you choose to listen to it and forget it and filter it out of your brain?

or do you haggle over it and rush up to argue with others and blush?

different choices lead to different results.

and the really smart people all learn to "reduce noise" early.

stay away from "controlled" care

self-media big V

@ Spenser

once shared a question from his readers.

readers are in their third year of high school, and it is the critical period of the sprint for the college entrance examination. They will burn the midnight oil and study until the wee hours of the morning.

but some elders, under the banner of "experienced people", have instilled in readers a wave of useless reading theory:

"Don't work so hard. Your cousin graduated from a prestigious university and now earns only 5,000 yuan a month."

"it is better to marry well than to learn well now."

in the long run, she felt very confused:

since it is becoming more and more difficult to counterattack by relying on education, what is the point of studying hard?

she has an aunt in her hometown, who is always overzealous.

coupled with the comfortable life in the county, my aunt will gossip with others as soon as she is free.

every time my friends come home for the Spring Festival, my aunt will get to the bottom of it:

"how's your work these days? I'm so busy with overtime and I only get a little salary at the end of the month, so I might as well go home and take an examination of a civil servant."

"you are 29 years old, and you are not too old. Find someone to marry quickly, and no one will want it later."

"Why are you wearing such clothes? they are so mature that they don't suit you at all."

at first, friends thought that it was better to do more than to do less.

in the face of my aunt's cross-border concern, I endured my anger and said yes perfunctorily.

until there was a family reunion, the aunt commented on her in front of many people.

from age to family and then to work, my friend bowed his head awkwardly.

seeing that she did not respond, her aunt said more vigorously and asked her to quit her job and go back to her hometown immediately.

but after the dinner, blocked all the aunt's contact information.

life.

almost every one of us will meet some warm-hearted relatives and friends.

they impose their past experiences on our lives without thinking.

this seems to be the concern of people who have been there before, but it is actually cross-border intervention and moral kidnapping.

you know, the only person in charge in life is yourself.

instead of trying to fight each other, stay away from them.

calm down and focus on your goal.

stop "looking up" envy

do you have such an experience?

living alone in a crowded rental house, figuring out how to pay the rent for the next quarter.

and Fa Xiao bought a house with his parents' savings and excitedly made you "come and see the new house when you have time".

nearly thirty years old, my love life is still a blank.

people of the same age around you are already married and have children, and they urge you to "hurry up" from time to time.

you work hard at your post, while your former colleagues start a successful business and make a success of your career.

half-jokingly patted you on the shoulder. "if you can't do it in the future, come and do it together."

whenever I hear such a voice and look at other people's glamorous lives, envy and anxiety always come to mind.

so you are blinded and distracted by other people's happiness.

in fact, everyone has their own time zone.

always holding other people's maps to find their own direction, not only futile, but also will only add to the trouble.

Gao Shi, a famous poet in the Tang Dynasty, still achieved nothing at the age of 40.

at that time, all his classmates and friends had made great achievements, some of them had entered the official career, and some had joined the ranks of officials.

and living in a difficult life, he makes a living by farming, and even needs friends to help him drink.

but Gao Shi did not fall into the comparison, nor was he discouraged or frustrated at all. He always believed that he could achieve something.

Gao Shi has previously failed to seek fame because of lack of access.

since then, he has been working hard quietly, and finally at the age of 45, with the recommendation of Zhang Jiugao, he got the official position.

although the official position is low, Gao Shi always treats his work diligently and never slackens.

like Mo Yan's sentence very much:

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"the reason why people feel pain is to stand in their own troubles and look up at the happiness of others."

there will always be a lot of unhappiness in life.

it is important not to let the sound of the outside world disturb our rhythm.

just as there are no two identical leaves in the world, everyone's life will not be exactly the same.

Don't grieve for what you lackInstead, focus on what you already have.

find your own talent and live a unique life as much as possible.

shielding "sour grapes" from interference

likes a sentence very much: "those who have the heart are tired, but those who don't care don't care."

very often, an unimportant comment from the outside world, if it is true, will plant the seeds of self-doubt in the heart.

the energy runs out before you know it, and then gives up your persistence and goes with the tide.

and those who can stick to their original mind turn a deaf ear to the outside world.

data scientist Blank woman has also been criticized by the outside world when she first entered the Internet field.

other colleagues write summary reports in written form and submit them to the leader.

the Blank woman, who has worked in a foreign company for many years before, has long been accustomed to using ppt for reporting.

because of this, concise pages and text allow leaders to grasp the key points in an instant.

Blank woman also stands out from a bunch of colleagues and gets a lot of potential performance opportunities.

however, other colleagues began to talk about:

"this man is really behind his back. He tells us that he loves technology, but he uses tricks to attract leaders on the other side.

We should learn more from others. It is useless to have good skills. The most important thing is to please the leaders. "

but she found that no matter what she did, the cynicism did not stop.

so she began to do every material and thing carefully in accordance with her previous methods.

later, data woman used ppt to report to the group leader.

because of her clear logic and concise content, she was impressed by the leader and granted her the right to be in charge of the project.

Carnegie said: "the only way to win an argument is to avoid it."

the best way to fight back against sour grapes is not to argue about right or wrong, because it will only be a waste of time.

continue to refine yourself, when you succeed, those achievements will naturally become silent judges, and others will no longer be able to judge you.

▽

there is a saying on the Internet:

"Life is always messy. When you get to a certain age, you should learn to close your heart."

We can't control the external environment, but we can change our attitude.

stay away from "controlled" care, and don't base your own life rules on the instructions of others.

stop "looking up" envy, and don't magnify your anxieties and troubles in the brilliance of others.

shield the interference of "sour grapes", do not entrust your life direction to the casual remarks of others.

the rest of my life is very expensive. May we all live a happy life without being disturbed by the noise.