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there is a hedgehog effect.

it is said that in a cold winter, two hedgehogs warm each other and at first stab each other because they are too close.

later, when they are adjusted to the right distance, they can not only keep each other warm, but also avoid being stabbed by each other's thorns.

the same is true of the relationship between people.

if you get too close, it is easy to hurt each other; only by keeping a "proper distance" and "unfeeling" can you get along comfortably and comfortably.

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learn to refuse to be "unkind"

Confucius said, "clever words are seldom benevolent."

in life, some people say nice things when they need each other's help; once they achieve their goal, they will fall out and disregard others.

emotional people, in the face of such people's "sugar-coated shells", are often embarrassed to refuse, after all, the other side said so many "good things".

however, the more embarrassed a person is to refuse, the more "trouble" he will cause and eventually overwhelm himself.

some people are best at playing the "emotional card" to "morally kidnap" others.

if others refuse, they accuse others of being "heartless".

in fact, everyone has their own things to deal with. It is the most selfish act to always ask others to "sacrifice themselves".

the sign of a person's maturity is that he no longer attaches too much importance to "human feelings" and becomes "unsentimental".

the so-called "unkind feelings" is not ruthless, but putting aside one's own "embarrassment" and "ingratiating mentality", dealing with one's own affairs first, and then thinking of others.

be "unkind" a little, get involved less

as the saying goes, "distance produces beauty."

between people, no matter how intimate the relationship is, we also need to reserve a little space.

some people, once they have a close relationship with each other, will pay too much "attention" to each other's affairs and ask questions in every detail.

doing so will only make the other person feel "suffocated".

there are some things that the other party is unwilling to say, so there is no need to ask each other.

under the banner of concern, digging to the bottom and pressing step by step will only make the other party have the desire to escape.

as an adult, everyone has the right to choose.

if you deprive the other party of the right to choose under the banner of "for the good of the other party", it will only make the other person resentful.

A really smart person can put himself in the right place.

they will make their own "suggestions", but they will not force each other to follow their own suggestions.

the greatest sobriety of adults is to take good care of their own "business", not to be too "enthusiastic" and not to meddle in other people's affairs at will.

in this way, we can not only have less unnecessary "worry", but also avoid relationship alienation.

to be "unkind", to return other people's affairs to others is not only a self-cultivation, but also a rare self-discipline.

"unsentimental", simplify the circle

Xunzi said: "Pengsheng hemp, do not help but straight; white sand in nirvana, with it black."

what kind of person a person is, just look at his circle.

Man is a product of the environment, and it is difficult not to be affected by the environment.

truly smart people would rather choose high-quality solitude than leave themselves in a "dirty" environment.

in the eyes of some people, the more people you associate with, the more contacts you will have.

this is not true.

the so-called network is not how many people you know, but how many people you can help.

No matter how powerful people are, if they are of low value, then, at the critical moment, these so-called powerful people will often choose to "stand idly by".

"if you are in full bloom, butterflies will come."

only when you make yourself stronger and stronger, with "high value", will there be a "Phoenix" to inhabit.

one's energy is limited.

instead of wasting energy on "no three no four" people, it is better to spend time talking to three or two bosom friends.

although the circle is small, it is good to be clean and comfortable.

people who live a thorough life know how to deal with the world with unkind feelings.

they can hold their own boundaries and will not be "consumed" by others at will;

they can keep their hearts and will not wantonly interfere with other people's lives;

they can hold their own circle and will not allow irrelevant people to enter at will.

only those who are "unsentimental" can be "affectionate".

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