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are you happy?

where does your happiness come from?

A lot of money? Academic and career identity? Family support?

Sonia Lyubomirsky, a professor of psychology at the University of California, has come up with a happiness formula based on years of research:

Happiness = 50% heredity + 10% environment + 40% individual behavior.

We often think that it is the superposition of various external factors that make life difficult at the moment.

but in fact, 90% of the root causes may lie in themselves.

most people are just mediocre talents.

but fortunately, the fairness of fate lies in:

extraordinary people do not always live in tall buildings, and ordinary people are not doomed to be covered with rust.

Life is full of big waves, no matter it is dim or bright, everyone will be beaten and washed mercilessly.

who can withstand the cold and grind, is the final winner in life.

so, instead of complaining about the injustice of fate, try to look "inside".

be a wise man.

attribute inward, reflect on yourself

with the broadcast of the finale of "Goodbye Love 2",

both Zhang Wanting and Song Ningfeng got off,

Song Ningfeng knelt down on one knee to propose again, and the two chose to continue to walk hand in hand.

but looking back on their performance in the program, it is quite suffocating, especially

Zhang Wanting's performance continues to impact the audience in front of the screen.

she always felt that she was the victim of her marriage, constantly blaming her husband Song Ningfeng, and even said in front of everyone:

"you are lucky to have found me to be your wife, but I found a drag bottle like you."

Song Ningfeng looked embarrassed, but still smiled and analyzed the problems of their marriage, but Zhang Wanting turned a deaf ear and turned to laugh and chat with Su Shiding in the back seat.

as a reminder, Song Ningfeng gently pushed her arm, and Zhang Wanting immediately blackened her face and said, "I gave you a face!"

Song Ningfeng immediately froze, and others felt very embarrassed. Su Shiding could not help persuading, "would you really keep it a little bit? I'm begging you."

but Zhang Wanting didn't listen at all. Instead, she said to Song Ningfeng:

"look, were it not for my self-sacrifice, would people sympathize with you so much?"

in addition to being strong and emotionally uncontrollable, Zhang Wanting often speculates simple things in a pessimistic direction.

once, Song Ningfeng wanted to play the role of a mute and seldom spoke at home in order to figure out how many days the character had been at home.

Zhang Wanting thinks that Song Ningfeng deliberately confronts her, and no matter how Song Ningfeng explains it, she still adheres to her own ideas.

it is obvious that Zhang Wanting's problems are more prominent in this marriage, but she has never realized that the unhappy marriage is caused by her husband alone.

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everyone has many shortcomings, some are innocuous, some stand in the way.

if you blindly blame outward without attributing inward, even if you are blessed by fate, it is very difficult to compose a happy tune.

the famous psychological Bandura put forward the "self-efficacy theory": it means that people should subjectively evaluate themselves, and the result of the evaluation will directly affect a person's behavior motivation and life.

people's self-evaluation and reflection is the only way to embrace happiness.

A person's life is a big test. Only with introspection can we make progress, and only with repair can we get high marks.

get rid of the ignorance of resting on your laurels and let the new branches stretch out. When the flowers bloom in spring, the flowers will bloom as scheduled.

grow inward and plough yourself deeply

in the Taklimakan Desert, a Populus euphratica forest stands resolutely, some of which are thousands of years old.

it is well known that the environment of the Taklimakan Desert is so bad that it is a nightmare for countless animals and plants not to rain all the year round.

Populus euphratica can grow under adversity only because Populus euphratica is rooted deep enough to reach underground water sources.

most of the time, like Populus euphratica, the wind and sand of the times are unstoppable, but the posture of growth can be controlled.

while listening to the blog, I came across an experience of Shang Jiangang, an associate professor at Shanghai University of political Science and Law, and sincerely agreed.

Professor Shang, who used to be a judge, just transferred to a teaching post last year. He wanted to do academic research seriously and impart years of practical experience to students.

but soon after the start of school, he stayed at home, like many people.

at that time, many people didn't get up until noon and lived in a daze.

even his wife, Professor Shen Yifei, is somewhat affected, and there is not much time to really settle down to work.

Professor Shang, on the other hand, gets up on time at 07:30 in the morning as usual, then reads books, writes academic articles, and doesn't rest until around 12:00 in the evening.

I can't help remembering that Huazhong University of Science and Technology said in an article:

"it takes countless ordinary days to make today's extraordinary, and everything is just a natural thing."

those who stand out are not born with their own light, but continue to grow.

No matter what situation you are in, no matter what trough or middle age you are in, don't keep yourself in the midst of time and let your fate handle you.

No one can give up the whole life easily. Depravity and laxity will only wear away the will, but can't really make people enjoy life.

ability needs to be precipitated, experience needs to be accumulated, and each stage does not seek earth-shaking, but is only willing to be better than what it used to be.

think more when things happen, learn more when you have nothing to do, and take root to the deepest place you can, no matter how heavy the wind and rain can destroy you.

put it inward and be yourself

there is a popular question on the Internet: "what is the experience of never being liked?"

netizens

@ vileys

says: "the most dangerous situation is to become contemptuous of yourself and feel that no one likes you because you don't deserve to be liked."

Yes, people are most afraid of being confused in the flashy social exchange, losing themselves day by day, and can no longer feel life brightly.

one netizen sympathizes with this because she has a similar experience.

netizens are very lonely from an early age. In order to win the favor of others, she often tries to curry favor, just to get a word of approval.

students think that even if she is not interested in stars, she will still pretend to worship and follow suit to buy around stars.

A friend asks her to go shopping, and even if she doesn't like shopping, she will convince herself to go there with a smile.

but no matter how hard she tries to cater, others still regard her as small and transparent, and netizens are both distressed and self-abased.

until one day, she saw a girl singing and dancing in the street, regardless of other people's eyes, she was deeply touched.

since then, netizens have decided to try to get rid of years of repression and camouflage, do what they like, and bravely express their ideas.

gradually, she finally stopped being submissive. She not only had new friends, but also became confident and happy.

We are often anxious and confused, but we take others too seriously, take ourselves too lightly, and lose the initiative in life.

but the truth of life is that you are the toner with a paintbrush, and no one can add color to your life.

respect needs in Maslow's demand pyramid:

is divided into external respect and internal respect, and internal self-respect is the basis of external respect.

whether others accept you or not depends on their values; whether you like yourself or not depends on your state of mind.

to be the first person to applaud yourself, to live truly and freely is worth a trip to the world of mortals.

likes a sentence very much:

in fact, a person's life is only a person's business, happiness comes, the happiest is himself; when suffering comes, it is himself who suffers the most.

give yourself the sense of security in your heart.

being yourself and accepting yourself is the greatest shortcut to happiness.

for the rest of your life, you might as well put your heart down, love what you love, rejoice, and boldly feel the infinite power of life.

American writer Dan Heath put forward "downstream thinking" and "upstream thinking":

"downstream thinking" is that if we encounter a problem and only intercept and solve it downstream, it is a passive response that can be remedied without getting to the root of the problem.

and "upstream thinking" is to find the root cause from the upstream to avoid the occurrence of problems completely.

people are the source of life, and many unhappiness encountered on the way can find a turning point in themselves.

maybe we are not the makers of the problem, but we must be the saviors out of trouble.

A person's strongest weapon against life is self-examination, self-encouragement, and self-delight.

there is a place of peach blossom in my heart, and all joys and sorrows in life are sweet.

build a tough barrier for yourself, trauma will not hurt you, internal friction will not break you, all wind and rain will become an understatement of the past.

, dance boldly with life and live as your own beam of light.