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in Zhuangzi Qiushui, there is a conversation between Zhuangzi and Huizi on the bridge:

Zhuangzi said, "the bream swims freely in the water. It's really happy."

Keiko said, "if you are not a fish, do you know if the fish is happy?"

Zhuangzi replied: "you are not me, how do you know if I understand the happiness of fish?"

Keiko added: "I am not you, I do not know your happiness, you are not a fish, of course, I do not know the happiness of fish."

this is the origin of "the son is not the fish, an knows the joy of the fish".

the world is so complicated that you cannot understand the point of view that others may think reasonable;

what you take for granted, others may think unreasonable.

Zhou Guoping once said:

"how a person treats people with different views can better reflect his level of civilization than what he holds."

the three values are not high or low right or wrong, only the same and different.

when one's cognition is high enough, one will understand that there is not only one way to live in life.

judging others, ignorance and prejudice

Psychological research found that

"people often unconsciously project their own personalities, preferences and ideas onto others, thinking that they have the same characteristics."

people with this kind of thinking are often prone to cognitive bias and are used to using their own standards to measure others.

but forget to judge others by their own, comment on others arbitrarily, not only annoying people, but also exposed their own ignorance and prejudice.

many people do not know that there are times when Su Dongpo, a brilliant poet, is "sparse in talent and learning".

once, Su Shi was invited to Wang Anshi's home, just as he had something to go away.

he wandered around the courtyard and saw the door of Wang Anshi's study half open, so he paced in, wanting to see his new work in advance.

who knows, Su Shi was overjoyed at this look.

he found that there is a sentence in Wang Anshi's new poem: "the yellow dog lies in love, and the branches of the bright moon bark."

he thinks that Wang Anshi doesn't even know the basic common sense of life: "how can a rhubarb dog get into a flower's heart?" How do you call the bright moon? "

so he revised the poem without thinking: "the yellow dog lies in the shade, and the bright moon shines on its head."

it wasn't long before Su Shi was relegated. On his way into exile, he passed through a remote mountain area and saw a local insect called "Yellow Dog". Locals even called a bird singing at night "Mingyue".

all of a sudden, he was ashamed: he was obviously narrow-minded and ill-informed, and made wanton comments on others.

similar situations are common in life:

you like to read the articles on the official account. He said mockingly: what's the use of chicken soup? it's a waste of time.

if you want to cultivate a sideline, he commented disdainfully: now there is sideline marketing everywhere, so don't be cheated.

when you go round and round in a big factory, he keeps persuading: why are you working so hard? no matter how good you are, you are still a beater.

psychologist McKee said:

"when a person's heart is filled with a certain idea, there will be a strong hint in his heart, and then he will search for relevant information in reality, and eventually form such a psychological set."

walking around the world, not everyone's thoughts and habits are in tune with you.

when you meet people with different values, don't jump to conclusions; when others have different ideas, don't worry about it.

you can emit your own light, but don't put out other people's lights.

seek common ground while reserving differences, harmonious but different

Professor Luo Xiang once said a paragraph that touched me deeply:

"A farmer comes to the city and doesn't know the traffic rules. He's not stupid, he just doesn't quite understand what the traffic rules are.

A city man can't tell the difference between wheat and rice when he goes to the countryside. you can't say he's stupid, he just hasn't touched it.

therefore, when you meet people who have different views from your own, you should be in the spirit of seeking common ground while reserving differences, and do not have a sense of intellectual superiority. "

you will find that people who have really seen the world have nothing to dislike and allow others to be different from themselves.

in the history of modern literature, no one knows the ten-year friendship between Lu Xun and Lin Yutang.

but the two people's writing styles are quite different:

Lin Yutang is good at commenting on various phenomena with humorous words and expressing his dissatisfaction with reality in twists and turns, while Lu Xun's writing is always serious, rough and sharp.

but this did not affect the communication between the two people at all.

in 1932, Lin Yutang founded the semimonthly magazine the Analects of Confucius, which advocated to comment on various social phenomena with brisk words.

Lu Xun did not agree with Lin Yutang's idea of running a magazine, and even wrote a number of articles exhorting that the public is not good at "humor", and now is the time to be humorous.

Lu Xun passed away. Four days later, Lin Yutang sincerely wrote the following words:

"I always respect Lu Xun, Lu Xun takes care of me, I like his acquaintance, Lu Xun abandoned me, I have no regrets.

in general, what you see is the same as what you see, but it is a sign of clutch, and there is absolutely no personal spirit. "

although Lu Xun and Lin Yutang had different ideas, they accepted each other, sought common ground while reserving differences, and created a story together.

in real life, everyone's birth background is different, the growth environment is very different, the three values are naturally different.Consistent.

it is precisely because of the great differences between individuals that there is the beauty of life.

A gentleman is harmonious but different, and benevolent people seek common ground while reserving differences.

as the philosopher Kant said:

"I respect any independent soul, although I do not agree with some, but I can understand as much as possible."

introspection inward, compatible with outward

in 1997, Chen Zhong won the Mao Dun Literature Award for "Bai Lu Yuan", and Shaanxi Writers' Association specially held a victory party for him.

Xiao Yunru, a good friend who has known each other for more than 40 years, was invited to speak.

who knows that he lost control for a moment and blurted out:

"like all excellent works, Bai Lu Yuan has its defects."

in the face of comments from his friends, Chen Zhong has been in a bad mood for a month and has been reflecting on himself, but he has been unable to find the problem.

"Yunru, I can't put that remark in my heart all the time. You won't comment for no reason. Can you tell me why?"

when Xiao Yunru saw that Chen Zhong was so sincere and tolerant, he truthfully expressed his thoughts:

"this novel is deeply explored, but it lacks a common aesthetic standard."

Our collection of dresses for middle aged women is sure to catch everyone’s attention. Different varieties of shapes and cuts for you to take your pick.

after listening to Chen Zhong, not only was he not angry, but he clapped his legs and applauded and thought it was reasonable.

such a literary guru who is famous at home and abroad can still be compatible with the outside and introspect in front of different voices.

as his name suggests, he is faithful to literature and creation.

people in the monistic model are self-centered and feel that others are wrong and that only they are right.

people in dualistic mode are compatible with different viewpoints and people, allowing diversity in the world.

in the world, not everyone's cognition is at the same level.

you stand on the top of the peaks and tell him that there is a clear sky in front of him, and he can only see the devastation halfway up the mountain.

only by putting on other people's shoes and walking in other people's lives can we really understand other people's differences.

the sharp mountain is not high, and the narrow water is not deep.

truly cultured people know how to be inclusive, seek inward, and constantly enrich themselves.

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I especially like Mr. Lian Yue's sentence:

"allowing other people's moral values and lifestyles to be different from their own will eliminate more than 90% of the world's worries."

there are no two identical leaves in the world.

commenting on the lies of others does not show talent, but exposes its own limitations.

the three values are different, and there is no need for assimilation, inclusiveness, and inward growth. Only in this way can we make continuous progress and self-transition.

, may we all be like the sea, accommodating all rivers, all-inclusive, with hills in our chest and mountains and rivers in our eyes.

Nalian,

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